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I'm the bad Mommy....

So I was at a lovely baptism yesterday for our friends-the kind of friends that live close by, you love them dearly, but for some crazy reason you don't see often enough. You know those? Well, at the party afterwards us mommies-to-be flocked together for a few minutes like we always do, to exchange info (how far along? have any names yet? who's your doctor? etc) and compare tummies. Of course, we love new mommies too, and they always join us to share the joy. They also join us to share a lot of No-no's. For this reason, I'm a little wary of first-time moms. They always have a strict and sensitive list of things you MUST not do or touch when you're pregnant. They carry a bottle of antibacterial gel wherever they go, and are acutely talented at pointing out your boo-boos publicly.

I have a lot of those.

So we were sharing with a friend who had just announced her pregnancy and talking about food, of course, and how funny it is (not really) to say goodbye to the world of sushi, beer, and rare meats. She wasn't too happy about the caffeine restriction and was admitting she still gave in often to diet coke, and I was confessing the same, when the 'fresh off the delivery table' mom joined in and began expounding on her lengthy list of no-no's. "And NEVER drink those protein waters," she bellowed and looked pointedly at me. I froze, a bottle of Vitamin Water poised at my lips. Somewhere on the patio a glass broke, the music skipped, and a sweet italian grandmother slid to the ground in a faint.

I smiled as innocently as I could, and slowly lowered the bottle, certain that I would be taken to the ground by a SWAT team if I dared another sip, based on the consternation I saw on SuperMom's face. Aw, hell. Sometimes they take it so seriously you feel they have created their own philosophy, and you have ventured into the Parish of Perfect Motherhood without respecting their principles. By sucking down a water beverage fortified with electrolytes I had just tread upon her ethos. Thinking of the cold cuts accidentally eaten the day before I blushed.

Then little baby Rand from down below gave me a big boot, like some silent confirmation that all was alright. I hadn't messed up anything seriously so far. So maybe "What to Expect When You're Expecting" is gathering dust under my coffeetable. Imagine the looks on their faces if they knew we were going camping in late october in new hampshire, and that I planned on not bathing for four days *gasp* and would definitely NOT bring any antibacterial gel! Mercy!

On a side note- I hope to see you at the Boston Knit-Out on sunday-I am so excited! Just please don't point and scream if you see me with a bottle of gatorade...

5 comments:

Martita said...

Cold cuts and rare meats are out, too? That totally sucks. My friend Jen drank one real beer a month (and lots of fake beer, with her dr's blessing) and her kids came out just fine. But, of course, she drank them in the privacy of her own home where no one could point fingers.

Brianne said...

You know, I just don't understand it. Women have been having babies for years and every year it's more dangerous despite our medical advances. There are things we can't eat, can't do, etc... what on earth did the women from years past do?
One thing my Dr told me that I cherish was that it's all about moderation. Caffeine is okay in little doses, fish the same thing, stuff like that. (That's a great relief for me - you can't get decaffeinated drinks in resturants!) I can't spend all my time worrying about what I might have done that could have done something horrible - I'd never make it to Februrary!

Carole said...

Oh for gawd sakes! When I was pregnant I ate greek salads constantly and now they tell you no feta cheese. Hannah seems pretty healthy to me. ;-)
And see you Sunday! I believe we're traveling companions, no?

JessaLu said...

oh brother. Eat this, don't eat that, give me a break. Part of the fun of being pregnant is to be able to eat whatever you are craving - and as long as you do it in moderation, you'll be fine. Maybe it's just me but I would have downed that bottle of water right then and there just because ;o)

Kathy said...

You are going to be a great mom because you have common sense, which is one of the most important qualities. And a great sense of humor.