If You Were To Ask Me

If you see me around, I hope you don't see anything to be concerned about. There's not much reason for me to not be smiling. I feel full of hope, energy, and most of the time motivation. There are some major events coming up, including my husband coming home for a few weeks, a major exam or two, a beach getaway, and of course my first half marathon. Finally.

These are pretty much the fuel I am using to get through each day. If you add that with the love and companionship of my boys, my friends, and my family, you can be sure that I will get through this. But its not always easy.

If you were to guess that is not the entire story, you would be correct.

If you were to ask me what is on my mind I would tell you I'm frustrated and worried. We have only half a year left in Thailand, and don't know where we are going next. We submitted our "wish list" back in August, and watched some of our favorite spots drop from the list week by week. And still no word for us. But I am trying to be patient and flexible. It isn't easy though, when you are anticipating moving a family, dog, all your posessions and career to a completely different country. There are questions about renting a house, buying a car, locating schools, locating job openings. Imagine doing that every three years, and not until about a month or two before you actually move. Yuh.

If you were to ask me what is on my mind I would tell you I'm a little heartsick. Both my boys are doing well in school, but both get frustrated easily and lash out. I call it the "mountains out of molehills" effect, because most of the time they are just fine. They make friends. They're happy. They are always in good moods at home. However, if someone cuts in front of them, bumps into their table, you name it-they lose their cool. But only at school. I wish they could tell me why. I wish I could help them, but I can't be there all the time. I wish I knew what leads to this negativity and anger, but I do the best I can to support them and work with them.

If you were to ask me what is on my mind, and have a little more time to spare, I would tell you I'm nervous. Two years of an unaccompanied tour is something challenging to adjust from. I build walls when my husband is gone so I can cope. Some people let their feelings flow, but I just cant do that. So I embrace having that "stiff upper lip" and soldier on until we are through. The walls have to come down though, when he returns to us, and thats hard. Its good at the same time. Yet, its not always smooth, and sometimes you worry if you have any feelings left at all.

In the end, I would tell you that this is all alright. We chose this, and I would rather have these challenges and always have the unknown twist around the next corner. We are fortunate, and as tough as I get inside, I never stop thinking that. I'm lucky to have such a wonderful life and such loving family.

It's All About The Tunes

Pardon me while I humblebrag, but there are just three days, one class, and a crazy 12K between me and this:

To get there is going to require a little bit of mental fortitude and some great tunes, so I'm going to share with you my latest run compilation, guaranteed to keep you running, and with a big smile on your face. Enjoy!

1. Player (feat. Chris Brown) -Tinashe
2. Secrets (Radio Edit) - Tiesto & KSHMR
3. Last Chance - Kaskade & Project 46
4. Five More Hours - Deorro & Chris Brown
5. Headlights (feat. Ilsey) - Robin Schultz
6. Can't Stop Playing - Dr. Kucho! & Gregor Salto
7. The Veldt (radio edit) - Deadmau5
8. Help Our Souls (Urban Contact Remix) - Nihils
9. Language - Porter Robinson
10. Dancing In My Head (Tom Hangs Remix) -Eric Turner & Avicii
11. On My Way -Axwell Ingrosso
12. Zonk -Dimitri Vangelis & Wyman
13. Levels -Avicii
14. King -Years & Years
15. Hello -Martin Solveig & Dragonette
16. SLVR -Steve Angello & Sadko
17. Love Myself -Hailee Steinfeld
18. Fun -Pitbull
19. Lean On -Major Lazer

Pumpkin Everything

A few people asked for my recipes for the snacks I've been creating for the kids. Some have been good- some not so good! I'm worried that the real reason my boys ate these up is the fact that they were very sweet, so I recommend that when you add the agave syrup, start with 1/4 cup and add more when you stir in the millet and oats if you think it's needed. I also suggest you cut these smaller than your supermarket variety granola bars! There's a lot packed into these sweeties.

Pumpkin Spice Bars

1/2 cup creamy peanut butter (all natural is best)
1/4 cup agave syrup
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 can pumpkin purée
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp ground cloves
1/2 tsp ground ginger

2 cups puffed millet (or base grain of your choice)
1 cup rolled oats
1\2 cup chopped walnuts
2 tbsp chia seeds
1\2 cup white or dark chocolate chips

Preheat your oven to 350*.

Butter the bottom of a 10X10 baking dish

In a microwave-safe bowl combine the peanut butter, agave syrup, salt and vanilla extract. Microwave on High for about 1 1/2 minutes. When you take it out, give it a good stir!

Pour your can of pumpkin purée in and the remainder of spices while it is still bubbling hot and mix well.

In a larger bowl combine all the remaining ingredients.

Pour your pumpkin mixture over the wheat and millet and stir throughout. If it's a bit squishy, add more oats until your batter becomes pretty thick. Press it into your baking pan to about 1/2 inch thickness or whatever you prefer and bake in the over for 20-25 minutes.

Remove and allow to cool. If it's not firm enough to cut, chill in the fridge for a few hours.

Cut, wrap or just enjoy!